A reader emailed to tell of ending her relationship with a married man; actually he left her. She said she loved him and he just walked away from her. She reasoned with herself that she did not want him to leave his wife nor did she want to ruin his status in the community. She went on to say that she was feeling such pain after the breakup. She stated that in her thoughts she hears that she should end everything and at the same time she hears that she should hang on. She referred to them as voices.
The email was extremely sad. To know that someone rejects the love within themselves because they have been rejected by another is always a sad state. The negativeness that is created when one feels rejected can sometimes cloud the thinking. But to this young reader and others in similar circumstances Rise Up. In order to love anyone at all there must first be love for yourself. Who are You? What is your worth? think of the love within you. It is more precious than all the gold and valuables in this world.
In spending time with the married man, you were honest in your commitment to him, perhaps your intentions were to show him how much you loved him by "excusing or dismissing" the marriage, his family and his "community status" in order to spend a little time with him. And trust that a little time is all you will ever spend in situations such as this. He may say he loves you. He may give you a gift or two, he may provide a place for you to live and transportation, take you shopping, he may take you out to dinner and even feed you from his fork. But the bottom line is he can never offer you what you really desire. That is to be by his side, to walk proudly as the man who loves you and the one you love.
There will always be excuses, reasons why he must stay with his wife, there will always be sneaking about as a rat that scurries in the night pinching crumbs; hiding for fear of being caught. Some men have been known to go as far as meetings in far away places to safeguard not being discovered by wife or relatives or someone from the community.
To put the perverbial icing on this cake, this man will cause you to hate the wife for the way she treats him. He will cause you to feel how you are the woman he wished he had wait to marry. You- being faithful - explain to your friends and relatives, how he really does not love his wife, or how the wife mistreats him, or how he and the wife maintain a presence for the child/children.
Then comes the trickey portion when he has to escape from you because remember your love is genuine and commited. You are in love with him so he must escape this before he gets in too deep.
In this getaway, all the compassion he may have expressed is no longer there. All the little nothings he whispered in your ears are probably screams or a stern voice unfamiliar to you now.
He finds fault with all you do and no matter how stressed you may become about it, he isn't the least bit concerned about your "feelings". His heart becomes rigid and cold. His actions toward you filled with contempt, where he may have smiled upon seeing you he now shows a grimace. He may say something such as " I do love you but..." or "I want you to be happy" or "its best for us both that I go". Sometimes, given the character, he could even blame you or your lack of "something" to please him for breaking the two of you apart.
Truth be told, what abuse by you to yourself and by him to you. First of all this type of relationship is based on lies. Secondly, it is primarily a relationship where the man in this case and (this includes the married women) are impelled to further their "happiness" through genital eroticism. This affords him his greatest gratification. The underlying idea here is sex is love.
Again, if you find yourself in such a relationship Rise up. You owe it to yourself to discover the goodness within you. You owe it to yourself to love without irrational behavior that lends itself when you are programmed by that bleeding heart that tells you, "I Love You...".
If a man cannot totally commit to his wife and family then he is a liar and thief. He lies to you and robs you of time, your values and your love.
Today, stand before your mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say I Love You.
Say to yourself, I will discover within my life genuine love and not crumbs thrown to me by someone rotely telling me they love me.
Say, I seek genuine love of another person rooted in my own capacity to love.
repeat each day as you smile , appreciating the face you see there. Someday soon you
will be very surprised at what you discover.
Restore Love,
MJ
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