When was the last time you evaluated your involvement in your relationships?
We tend to keep tabs on other aspects of life and forget about the state of our relationships until there are upsets and much "crazymaking". It is then that attention is given, but too late. A friend, Ravon, says: " ...we no longer seem to pay attention to what's really important...especially to the people in our lives... making money has become our only priority..."
Has your relationship become as a shell, hollow without joy, a display of veiled emotions, cold and uninteresting?? What happened to it? What can you do about it?
Its amazing that we can organize, schedule, anticipate, forecast and manage everything else in our lives but our relationships suffer because we think they are supposed to just happen. Relationships as every other development requires attention. Our busy life styles demand that we prioritize and schedule. Is your relationship not a priority? In a recent discussion someone stated they don't need a schedule to, "kiss the wife and greet the children", and this sentiment was greeted unanimously as a true statement. For those who forget to show they care then this statement would not hold so true.
Sometimes during your day text, email or call your partner, your friend, your companion, your children, your parents, just to say, " missing you , thinking about you, loving you". Whatever you say lets them know they are important enough for you to pause whatever you're doing to remember them. It asserts your presence in their life and vice versa. It also reminds them that they are a priority for you.
Develop a mental scorecard to evaluate your relationship. Once in a while examine and know where you want your relationship to be then look at how it is and where you are. It requires so little to make this happen. It is not costly or elaborate. It cost nothing to: listen and encourage, have a virtual lunch, take a walk together, touch one another without reason, read to each other, cook together, etc. , you get the idea. In other words, do the little simple things to show just how much you care. If you haven't done it lately , do it today
Even if you have to schedule it;at least you will get it done. This is the work of caring.
Caring is important enough for us to consider it as we consider our jobs , so get busy and pen it on calendar. Then look forward to reaping positive benefits of your action because just as in business, what you put in is what you get out.
Let's Restore Love
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Feeding The Hungry Heart
He told her, "I want our relationship to be as two hands clapping. " She responded, "...and let no one or anything come between us. " That was three (3) years ago as she recalls. Today he is her enemy, today they have only derogatory terms to describe each other, today both are void of any positive feelings for one another. What happened? From introduction to separation, the evolution of the relationship was arrested. What led to this interruption? Let's call them Jack and Sally.
Jack saw Sally, said to himself, "...god, I'd like to meet her!" They met. Sally at the initial meeting, thought to herself, "he is sooo fine!" The first 11 months they spent time together;
exchanging thoughts, eye gazing, wining/dining, holding hands, gift giving, photographs of one another, going for walks, the movies, bike rides, sking, hiking, traveling (whatever together). It was great and neither could wait for the next encounter.
The thrill began to wash away as their "fun" became far between, perhaps, due to lack of time and lack of planning. Each day the polarity of thoughts and feelings centered by the initial encounter became dispersible. Both grew accustomed to the physical selves, Jack is no longer as fine as he once was to Sally. Sally no longer, the figure of interest to Jack. Two hungry hearts have dined. They find something is lacking. Jack has become pigheaded and Sally a witch. The list of character flaws and faults grew. This same list led to attitudes, insensitivity, then the drama and eventually the separation.
Clearly any relationship has to be filled with activity; something to do. Most people know what they want to do to enjoy themselves. It's simple planning for yourself. Enjoying with another requires input from both, however, that is not always the approach.
Males have a tendency to leave this planning to the females - this is their way of ensuring fun for her (something to do with the males' Alpha rights, lol).
Females usually take the role of planning the fun because its expected of them (tales of taking care of everyone because of her nurturing qualities).
Before the fun comes the plan and both Sally and Jack should be involved, this provides an opportunity to see how well the other coordinates, correlates, calculates things. It could also be an opportunity to share skills.
Sharing knowledge in your relationship piques interest. Your value is heightened in the other person's eyes provided you are not a "braggart". Sally & Jack did not share this.
Mental rigidity takes hold when you cling to stale ideological views of male / female roles.
Jack & Sally boxed themselves in this way.
Admiring someone for their body parts must be coupled with other attributes of character as you consider interacting with the person. Sally & Jack did not consider this.
Recognizable flaws & faults in others boils down to acceptance or rejection of the same; although most tell the lie of not judging others. Jack & Sally rejected certain faults of one another but hid behind the lie until they could no longer tolerate it; drama followed.
Pulling away is not always easy after certain amounts of time together and that is when the dislike /hatred builds. Then comes anger, the catalyst for just walking away. Sally & Jack arrived at this exit and walked out.
There is stimulus for every thought and thought precedes any action. With that said, as you see your Sally or Jack, think of what you want your relationship to be. The hungry heart may need all seven courses before it can be satisfied. If you decide you're in it to win it, No issues/ faults/flaws should go unaddressed without a resolution and/or commitment to resolve. Both must be involved in every aspect of how the relationship is carried out.
Love is not a game. Again , it IS A DISCIPLINE, that can be planned, developed & practiced or regard it as a COSMIC ORGANIC which grows given it has care, consideration, and respect. Regardless of how you view it - for Love to establish itself and you to emotionally engage it and know that its there - you must honesty communicate (say what's in your heart) and commit (consciously accept your aim for the relationship).
Let's Restore Love
Jack saw Sally, said to himself, "...god, I'd like to meet her!" They met. Sally at the initial meeting, thought to herself, "he is sooo fine!" The first 11 months they spent time together;
exchanging thoughts, eye gazing, wining/dining, holding hands, gift giving, photographs of one another, going for walks, the movies, bike rides, sking, hiking, traveling (whatever together). It was great and neither could wait for the next encounter.
The thrill began to wash away as their "fun" became far between, perhaps, due to lack of time and lack of planning. Each day the polarity of thoughts and feelings centered by the initial encounter became dispersible. Both grew accustomed to the physical selves, Jack is no longer as fine as he once was to Sally. Sally no longer, the figure of interest to Jack. Two hungry hearts have dined. They find something is lacking. Jack has become pigheaded and Sally a witch. The list of character flaws and faults grew. This same list led to attitudes, insensitivity, then the drama and eventually the separation.
Clearly any relationship has to be filled with activity; something to do. Most people know what they want to do to enjoy themselves. It's simple planning for yourself. Enjoying with another requires input from both, however, that is not always the approach.
Males have a tendency to leave this planning to the females - this is their way of ensuring fun for her (something to do with the males' Alpha rights, lol).
Females usually take the role of planning the fun because its expected of them (tales of taking care of everyone because of her nurturing qualities).
Before the fun comes the plan and both Sally and Jack should be involved, this provides an opportunity to see how well the other coordinates, correlates, calculates things. It could also be an opportunity to share skills.
Sharing knowledge in your relationship piques interest. Your value is heightened in the other person's eyes provided you are not a "braggart". Sally & Jack did not share this.
Mental rigidity takes hold when you cling to stale ideological views of male / female roles.
Jack & Sally boxed themselves in this way.
Admiring someone for their body parts must be coupled with other attributes of character as you consider interacting with the person. Sally & Jack did not consider this.
Recognizable flaws & faults in others boils down to acceptance or rejection of the same; although most tell the lie of not judging others. Jack & Sally rejected certain faults of one another but hid behind the lie until they could no longer tolerate it; drama followed.
Pulling away is not always easy after certain amounts of time together and that is when the dislike /hatred builds. Then comes anger, the catalyst for just walking away. Sally & Jack arrived at this exit and walked out.
There is stimulus for every thought and thought precedes any action. With that said, as you see your Sally or Jack, think of what you want your relationship to be. The hungry heart may need all seven courses before it can be satisfied. If you decide you're in it to win it, No issues/ faults/flaws should go unaddressed without a resolution and/or commitment to resolve. Both must be involved in every aspect of how the relationship is carried out.
Love is not a game. Again , it IS A DISCIPLINE, that can be planned, developed & practiced or regard it as a COSMIC ORGANIC which grows given it has care, consideration, and respect. Regardless of how you view it - for Love to establish itself and you to emotionally engage it and know that its there - you must honesty communicate (say what's in your heart) and commit (consciously accept your aim for the relationship).
Let's Restore Love
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