So What's Going On?

Even though one may not see the necessity of couples activities, shared adult activities are essential to every relationship. These are the fulfilling and fun things you do together to maintain the spark, the freshness, the life of your relationship.

Being involved in a relationship, in the ultimate sense, means you're operating together as a team of two. The value and worth of your togetherness rests in how well you move with and complement each other; it can also include how well you plan develop and achieve as a team.

Sometimes you get started in activities and your "sweetie" drops the ball either because it is not fulfilling to them or they may not see the need for such activities. In exploration to add activities, aim for those things that each person finds interesting, essential and fulfilling. As you plan, both must make the commitment to do. Focus on the expected pleasure or emotions associated with the activity and begin reaping the joys knowing that you have much to look forward to. One of the reasons spouses and significant others seek outside relationships is their current ones are boring, stale and unfulfilled. Be the reason your "love" enjoys being a part of the team.

It is thought in many heterosexual relationships that the female commandeers the activities. That may be the expectation because the female role is keeper of emotional aspects of the relationship according to social scientists:
"In virtually every culture , it is part of the female role to
be responsible for maintaining the emotional aspects of the relationships..."
Boyd, D & Bee, H (2006) Adult Development. Boston: Allyn and Bacon
That may be the expectation , but remember, expectations are unspoken rules that can be discarded and together you can create new rules; your relationship, your rules.

Whatever you do, make it fun, exciting, even exotic (hey!). Walk together, bike together, travel together, be and do together. And do not forget to have your reflective moment alone every now and again.

Making "Us" Happen

In any effort of creativity you will find checkpoints throughout the development. Think of your relationship as a book that the two of you are writing. Just how are you developing the chapters? Create then recreate until both of you have exactly what you want and need, of/for/in, your relationship. This is what you must do to bring and keep the "US" in the relationship.

There are times when your special someone may chose to sit on the sidelines watching as you define and redefine the relationship without any proactive participation on their part but as Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston once sung, "it takes two to make a dream come through..." There is no we in me nor is there togetherness in I.

As the two of you create the events that compile the chapters of your book, remember you are indeed the creators. The pages of the next chapter are yours to design how ever you want it to be. You can write it together or permit "obstacles" to block and keep you stuck in the same chapter as yesterday.

Making "US" happen requires vision, imagination ( lots of it) along with, as always, trust and communication. Your chapters can be short or long , filled with adventure or subtle passion and beauty- you decide this together. Do not behave as the push me, pull you creature from the Dr, Dolittle movie, instead, dream together, plan together, relax and enjoy together.

Search for "US" in the relationship, examine your togetherness and if you should find there is no "US" then it may mean no continuity. No more chapters can be written here.
The End.