We Are Family

A group of women were having a discussion two days ago -and as women have a tendency to do when gathered together- the subject of family was initiated. One woman stated,"I hate my family." Another, almost without pause added, "I live with my Aunt and she makes me sick."
Comments such as these give credence to the idea that lineage is not an obligation or a responsibility. Of course such an idea is unfounded given that we live in one world which connects us as a human family. So what causes one to be sickened by or hate their family.

Consider that when born, we were not consulted about our placement with a particular family. Although in some super sensible teachings, it is thought that we make the choice before birth of the people that will act as our parents,guides, etc. Since this is not a super sensible teaching let's proceed with: we were not consulted and the families we are part of is who we end up with. To hate or be sickened by one's family points to one of three conditions:
1. Unable to express oneself as an individual within the family.
2. Disagreement with certain actions of the family.
3. Family's disagreement of one's actions.

Emotions can run high in families mainly by feelings of disappointment and disrespect. The root causes of disappointments can extend far back into the past. Upsets that are never addressed and resolved lay a pattern for disappointment. Sometimes, an individualist way of being (as an adult) is to do what they think others want them to do (false approval / acceptance). They deny themselves the human right to be who they really are.

When the family shows disappointment in one of its members, the member shows disappointment in self; especially when they hold the family in high regards. At the flip of this coin, when an individual shows disappointment of the family it is because of a track record of demonstrated inability or exhibited lack of interest to the individual expectations. Believe it or not.

Emotional ills in the family can be corrected but it begins with you. It begins with your love for yourself. By defining (in total honesty) who you are at this point in time then accepting yourself as a responsible adult competent enough to recognize your needs. Follow this by forgiving and forgetting what you perceived as disappointments. Restore the love with family members be they near or far away by extending your heart to say I love you. In perpetual love you cannot demand that others change who they are, but you can be a model for them to initiate change within themselves. This works both with your immediate family and your one world family.

Let's Restore Love

Stay Connected

In any relationship there are bound to be disconnects in communication. A disconnect occurs when mutual communication reaches a critical level through misunderstanding, ignoring or even disrespecting the other person's dialogue. Many seem to recognize when communication breaks down and few recognizes when it disconnects. You may be saying to yourself, "how can she make such a general statement?" Simple, take a look around you at the discord you see in various relationships. Regardless of the relationship category- be it personal/business/family- there will be disconnects every once in a while.

Keep in thought that when you are involved in a relationship, much work is required. There is no such thing as living happily ever after without the preparation and development to get there; and no matter the distance, every journey begins with one step. Allow yourself the freedom to be fully involved in all your relationships by being honest with yourself. Know what you need/want and even wish to have within your relationship. By knowing this then you are prepared to partner with another (regardless of the relationship category).

You cannot get there dragging a bucket full of lies around with you nor should you want to assist in carting similar buckets for another. Through dialogue you are able to exchange meaning.
Do not attempt to manipulate the dialogue, it causes others to mentally criticize you which makes it more difficult to engage in an honest free flowing dialogue; too it can cause the other to passively shut down which could lead them to decisions against their own will.

In love one should always look for and cultivate mutual purpose and mutual respect. When we love our hearts are made anew and happily ever after is around the corner in our life's travels.

Let's Restore Love

Change

Recently in Nashville, TN- in the latter part of summer- day time temperatures reached no less than 80 degrees. A man was seen walking the streets wearing a winter coat. As he passed by others, all eyes seemed directed to him. Many of us believe that temperatures control how we dress, but for reasons of his own this character chose to go against such a belief. Perpetual love too goes against the norm.

More then not you have heard many people make the statement, "...we have been through so much together..." when talking about their intimate relationships. Perhaps you have heard parents say in reference to their rebellious child, "..."I'm so sick of going over the same nonsense..." Maybe once in every blue moon have you heard a person say: "I'm going to change myself, (my life)by changing my point of view."

Quite honestly, the only requirement to changing how we love is to change our point of view. To love perpetually is a decision that you make to love yourself and others without attaching conditions, i.e., you are not governed by nor do you govern others by emotional or physical manipulation.

When you experience perpetual love it communicates to others honesty of heart, clarity of mind,
definition of intent. It is free of emotional games that humans play so well with one another.
When we switch our views to loving in this manner, it becomes the operant conducting our daily lives. As an operant it opens the door to events that shape our lives for the better because it illuminates the true love we have to share.

Do not delude yourself in thinking to change one's point of view is an easy concept. The simplicity of it causes it to sound very easy to accomplish, but in love the more we comprehend, the more there is to comprehend. Casting away much of how, what, who, why we believe as we do is the difficult portion. Just REMEMBER, no matter how much there is to do, it can be accomplished if we start and stay with it.

We can resolve many ills in learning how to love in this manner. Changing who we are and how we love is much like the man walking in the summer with the winter coat: Observers cannot explain it but they see it.

Let's Restore Love.

Is It Love?

     A young man, let's call him G was in a dilemma and asked for advise in that he felt he was losing his girlfriend and really wanted to keep her.  "she's nice people", he said, " but she and I might be breaking up." When asked the reason why, he painted the following scenario:

He met his girl some months ago and she, "rocked his world".  They had good times, they look great together, they get along very well, the sex is wonderful and they have plans to marry.  He asked her to meet his family and everyone was expecting her, however,  on the same weekend she preferred spending time with her buddies from the army (she is in the military).  She had re-enlisted along with others she knew.  For re-enlisting they each received checks for $10,000 dollars.  They planned to meet in Colorado and party together.

She promised him she would return by weekend.  After getting to Colorado, she began to entertain the idea of breaking up with him. She had had sexual encounters with one of the girls that was now in Colorado with her and although she loved him, she also had feelings for the other woman.  He stated, "I don't want to lose her" and he was sending her a text message to let her know his family will be disappointed if she doesn't show for the weekend.  She responded she just wasn't sure about their relationship.

He was so upset with her but he added, "I'm not upset that she is seeing another woman because I do not feel threatened by another woman. Maybe I would be a little upset if it were a man but not a woman."  He did not feel betrayed because she told him the truth.  He asks what must I do in this situation?                         __                       

Friend, should I go or should I stay is the correct question here.  Let's look at it through some other questions.  If you married her, is it okay for your wife to be sexually involved with another woman?  Are you content to be in a relationship where your partner is shared sexually?  Would your family be concerned about you in such a relationship?  Do you know that she wants you and only you?  You are not intimidated by the idea of another woman with your girl so does that mean you accept the possibility of never having an exclusive relationship with the woman you love?  Could she be happy loving only you?  Can she overcome her desire to have other women?  And if not, where does that leave you? Will the woman she is seeing be the beginning of others to come?  Is she in love but not with you?

He needs a hint to answer one of the questions here.  The answers to all the questions he has already seen within himself.  So here is his hint:  If you were okay with the idea of your girl seeing another woman then tell us why are you asking what you must do?

Restore Love,

J