Communication

An email from a reader states he placed a profile on a dating site searching for someone special. He asked to meet an intelligent woman who could be trusted and someone that he could spend some time with in hopes of it becoming long term. He received a reply to his profile from a woman who stated she is an intelligent woman and in search of an intelligent man who knows what he wants and is not afraid to express his feelings.

Ten months into the developing relationship the woman's personality took a 180 degree change from what he knew it to be. They met, began spending time together and exchanged plans they would carry out as they agreed to continue the relationship. He says they were pleased with each other initially. Suddenly without warning he could no longer understand her behavior. She complained that he was not greeting her in a manner that pleased her. She complained that he was making her cautious about him and each time they spoke she never failed to mention that she would abandon him. When he asked why was he making her cautious, she would tell him because I see you from a dbroad scope and you cannot see yourself or she would not answer the question. She told him at one point that if he could not keep up with her point of view that she would find someone who could.

He said the reason she gave for all these "requirements" is that she wanted the relationship to be better than other couples. She wanted everyone to see that they were happy when they appear in public. She began to ridicule him. She criticized him for not agreeing with her. If he disagreed with her she would get angry and result to insults of his character and the caliber of person he is.
He says she would yell, hang up the phone, close out their chat window or tell him suddenly she had something important to do.

After many such examples of her demands, he says he stopped for a moment to think it through.
It seemed she wanted to have the appearance of being in a loving relationship for public approval regardless of how miserable they were behind closed doors. He wrote, "she did not care that I wanted to offer her perpetual love and to bring her into my life as my partner where she could fulfill her fantasy. What she cared about was how other people would view our relationship." He states, " she abandoned me but I already knew she would because she threatened to do so in every conversation we had." He closed with he was glad that he had hidden the fact of his wealth or she may have revealed another personality to be with him because of the money.
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The response here is so simple and I use an adage to summarize:
"...CANNOT SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES."

Also, to this reader, when meeting other people there is no certainty of true character (so few people reveal true characters initially). Communication is perhaps the best way to explore the vast geography of another persons mental makeup thus helping you to identify who they are and why they do what they do. In this scenario, it may have been a good action for her to go away. Being abandoned may not feel good to you now but from what you describe you may have gotten the better end of this chaos. You may have wanted to make her the object of love but what did she have in mind for you?

Restore Love