Communication Part II

In any type of relationship, effective communication must be the thread that links minds. The aim of communication is to build a climate of trust, establish mutual understanding, and connect one person to another emotionally and mentally. Essentially, to communicate effectively is a meeting of minds and no, this does not mean agreement on all matters.

What this mean is you comprehend exactly where the other person is coming from; their verbal as well as physical intent (physical intent here as in body language). Being misunderstood / confused in your relationship is as driving a car on its axles – a bumpy ride with sparks of fire underneath.
The sparks of fire being the anger, resentment, humiliation, and loneliness that brews within the heart for lack of expression.

Anyone in business, education, law, and many other disciplines can attest to the necessity of clarity of one’s viewpoint. Clear communication in a relationship ranks high on the scale of importance.
When you think about it, what we say and don’t say, do, or don’t do, will be measured by the other person. [Stop a minute… nothing stated here applies to those who find it necessary to tell lies - remember communication is to build a climate of trust. Lying negates the effort].
Let’s continue.

How we convey the message is often the cause for misunderstanding, yelling, cursing, or degrading descriptions of the others’ character usually goes in one ear and out the other. The mood of a heated conversation tones down if we learn how to communicate with one another. To be effective in getting your point of view understood by another person requires practice. If we practice effective ways of communicating we develop a skill that will last the rest of our lives. A woman - Mary Fredrick, a mother of 11 children- said one day that living in a discontented household is like biting your tongue; the tongue hurts but has no other home but the mouth where the teeth are.
In other words we must come together in harmony despite the fact that there will be disagreements along the way. Communication is the bridge we cross to better understanding.

We could offer examples here from some of the most prominent authors who write about effective ways of communicating, but no snippets here.
Why not?
For one reason you may ignore purchasing the books, then too, you could decide to purchase one or two books which offer less than you expected do. A model of correction that worked for someone else and cloned as a method to apply does not guarantee it will work for you. This is not to take away from authors who have studied and worked diligently to provide this information. The preferred method here is to have you focus first on whom you think you are when you communicate.

You, as a thinking individual, have the ability to determine when something hurts or feels uncomfortable in your relationship with someone you love/ care for.

Can you express clearly what you feel?

Can you control your tones and eliminate your sarcasm?

Can you navigate within yourself and find your voice of reason?

Can you show respect for the other if the discussion involves a controversial issue?

Can you accept that the other person does not have to agree with you?

Can you confirm what you heard?

These are some of the ways to effectively communicate:

• Clear verbal expression of what you see and feel (rephrase if need be)
• Maintain a civil tone and refrain from criticism/sarcasm/bad behavior
• Know and recognize your voice of reason (it often contains the solution)
• Do not give in to emotional outbursts discussing a controversial topic
• Respect the other person’s right to their views
• Make certain you understood what was said (ask again or ask for further explanation until you are clear)

Let’s stop here for now, next time we will examine the mental seat in where sits the voice of reason.
Until then ponder this thought: our viewpoint is how we mentally see and understand, with it we create events which we call “our life.”