All of our experiences are temporary. No matter what we are involved in it will eventually be over and finished, the experience, nothing more than a memory. This unfolding and closing of events is how humanity evolves. The love we have for those people in our lives should evolve as well. Love grows but not if un-nurtured.
There is nothing more aggravating than a stale, energy absorbing, going no where, and doing nothing, flat, fizzed-out relationship. Regardless of the category of relationship it is, it must be imbued with energy that keeps it alive and interesting. The fact that we are evolving says that we have little time to do this. We have to fix what’s wrong and move forward in a positive, loving environment that we create.
To fix what’s wrong begins- and let’s say it together- with you.
In these pages over and over you will read of getting to know yourself first and then your communication with others. Self awareness is where it all starts. Some are so angry or fearful about life they lose themselves in events that delivers more anger, more fear. We must be willing to take the journey of self discovery to understand and accept who we are. When we are unaware of self we are like ones who cannot see, hear or speak.
We can’t become aware if we will not examine who and how we are. Be willing to look at yourself without guilt, without judgment. Examine everything: the negatives and the positives, look fully at what motivates you, what stops up your active movement, what turns you off , turns you on , what elates your spirit, what stops success, what motivated your last thought and even why you don’t eat apple pie.
Examine it all!!
This examination is to make you aware. There is nothing to correct or fix during this examination. It’s the same as an examination at your doctor-making an assessment before taking any action. Through it you become aware of yourself and know exactly what to accept that works to make you better, greater, more capable of loving and being loved. If it works, keep it; if it does not work cast it. If others point out your faults and failures, you are way ahead of them- you already know. You’ve made the assessment and you’re working on it.
Be alive and nurture your relationship, after placing yourself on the next level toward joy and happiness, reach out and touch those you share a relationship with, help them to experience what you discovered. Love more, do more, enjoy more. Time is of the essence.
Let’s Restore Love
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
A Simple Thing
When was the last time you evaluated your involvement in your relationships?
We tend to keep tabs on other aspects of life and forget about the state of our relationships until there are upsets and much "crazymaking". It is then that attention is given, but too late. A friend, Ravon, says: " ...we no longer seem to pay attention to what's really important...especially to the people in our lives... making money has become our only priority..."
Has your relationship become as a shell, hollow without joy, a display of veiled emotions, cold and uninteresting?? What happened to it? What can you do about it?
Its amazing that we can organize, schedule, anticipate, forecast and manage everything else in our lives but our relationships suffer because we think they are supposed to just happen. Relationships as every other development requires attention. Our busy life styles demand that we prioritize and schedule. Is your relationship not a priority? In a recent discussion someone stated they don't need a schedule to, "kiss the wife and greet the children", and this sentiment was greeted unanimously as a true statement. For those who forget to show they care then this statement would not hold so true.
Sometimes during your day text, email or call your partner, your friend, your companion, your children, your parents, just to say, " missing you , thinking about you, loving you". Whatever you say lets them know they are important enough for you to pause whatever you're doing to remember them. It asserts your presence in their life and vice versa. It also reminds them that they are a priority for you.
Develop a mental scorecard to evaluate your relationship. Once in a while examine and know where you want your relationship to be then look at how it is and where you are. It requires so little to make this happen. It is not costly or elaborate. It cost nothing to: listen and encourage, have a virtual lunch, take a walk together, touch one another without reason, read to each other, cook together, etc. , you get the idea. In other words, do the little simple things to show just how much you care. If you haven't done it lately , do it today
Even if you have to schedule it;at least you will get it done. This is the work of caring.
Caring is important enough for us to consider it as we consider our jobs , so get busy and pen it on calendar. Then look forward to reaping positive benefits of your action because just as in business, what you put in is what you get out.
Let's Restore Love
We tend to keep tabs on other aspects of life and forget about the state of our relationships until there are upsets and much "crazymaking". It is then that attention is given, but too late. A friend, Ravon, says: " ...we no longer seem to pay attention to what's really important...especially to the people in our lives... making money has become our only priority..."
Has your relationship become as a shell, hollow without joy, a display of veiled emotions, cold and uninteresting?? What happened to it? What can you do about it?
Its amazing that we can organize, schedule, anticipate, forecast and manage everything else in our lives but our relationships suffer because we think they are supposed to just happen. Relationships as every other development requires attention. Our busy life styles demand that we prioritize and schedule. Is your relationship not a priority? In a recent discussion someone stated they don't need a schedule to, "kiss the wife and greet the children", and this sentiment was greeted unanimously as a true statement. For those who forget to show they care then this statement would not hold so true.
Sometimes during your day text, email or call your partner, your friend, your companion, your children, your parents, just to say, " missing you , thinking about you, loving you". Whatever you say lets them know they are important enough for you to pause whatever you're doing to remember them. It asserts your presence in their life and vice versa. It also reminds them that they are a priority for you.
Develop a mental scorecard to evaluate your relationship. Once in a while examine and know where you want your relationship to be then look at how it is and where you are. It requires so little to make this happen. It is not costly or elaborate. It cost nothing to: listen and encourage, have a virtual lunch, take a walk together, touch one another without reason, read to each other, cook together, etc. , you get the idea. In other words, do the little simple things to show just how much you care. If you haven't done it lately , do it today
Even if you have to schedule it;at least you will get it done. This is the work of caring.
Caring is important enough for us to consider it as we consider our jobs , so get busy and pen it on calendar. Then look forward to reaping positive benefits of your action because just as in business, what you put in is what you get out.
Let's Restore Love
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Feeding The Hungry Heart
He told her, "I want our relationship to be as two hands clapping. " She responded, "...and let no one or anything come between us. " That was three (3) years ago as she recalls. Today he is her enemy, today they have only derogatory terms to describe each other, today both are void of any positive feelings for one another. What happened? From introduction to separation, the evolution of the relationship was arrested. What led to this interruption? Let's call them Jack and Sally.
Jack saw Sally, said to himself, "...god, I'd like to meet her!" They met. Sally at the initial meeting, thought to herself, "he is sooo fine!" The first 11 months they spent time together;
exchanging thoughts, eye gazing, wining/dining, holding hands, gift giving, photographs of one another, going for walks, the movies, bike rides, sking, hiking, traveling (whatever together). It was great and neither could wait for the next encounter.
The thrill began to wash away as their "fun" became far between, perhaps, due to lack of time and lack of planning. Each day the polarity of thoughts and feelings centered by the initial encounter became dispersible. Both grew accustomed to the physical selves, Jack is no longer as fine as he once was to Sally. Sally no longer, the figure of interest to Jack. Two hungry hearts have dined. They find something is lacking. Jack has become pigheaded and Sally a witch. The list of character flaws and faults grew. This same list led to attitudes, insensitivity, then the drama and eventually the separation.
Clearly any relationship has to be filled with activity; something to do. Most people know what they want to do to enjoy themselves. It's simple planning for yourself. Enjoying with another requires input from both, however, that is not always the approach.
Males have a tendency to leave this planning to the females - this is their way of ensuring fun for her (something to do with the males' Alpha rights, lol).
Females usually take the role of planning the fun because its expected of them (tales of taking care of everyone because of her nurturing qualities).
Before the fun comes the plan and both Sally and Jack should be involved, this provides an opportunity to see how well the other coordinates, correlates, calculates things. It could also be an opportunity to share skills.
Sharing knowledge in your relationship piques interest. Your value is heightened in the other person's eyes provided you are not a "braggart". Sally & Jack did not share this.
Mental rigidity takes hold when you cling to stale ideological views of male / female roles.
Jack & Sally boxed themselves in this way.
Admiring someone for their body parts must be coupled with other attributes of character as you consider interacting with the person. Sally & Jack did not consider this.
Recognizable flaws & faults in others boils down to acceptance or rejection of the same; although most tell the lie of not judging others. Jack & Sally rejected certain faults of one another but hid behind the lie until they could no longer tolerate it; drama followed.
Pulling away is not always easy after certain amounts of time together and that is when the dislike /hatred builds. Then comes anger, the catalyst for just walking away. Sally & Jack arrived at this exit and walked out.
There is stimulus for every thought and thought precedes any action. With that said, as you see your Sally or Jack, think of what you want your relationship to be. The hungry heart may need all seven courses before it can be satisfied. If you decide you're in it to win it, No issues/ faults/flaws should go unaddressed without a resolution and/or commitment to resolve. Both must be involved in every aspect of how the relationship is carried out.
Love is not a game. Again , it IS A DISCIPLINE, that can be planned, developed & practiced or regard it as a COSMIC ORGANIC which grows given it has care, consideration, and respect. Regardless of how you view it - for Love to establish itself and you to emotionally engage it and know that its there - you must honesty communicate (say what's in your heart) and commit (consciously accept your aim for the relationship).
Let's Restore Love
Jack saw Sally, said to himself, "...god, I'd like to meet her!" They met. Sally at the initial meeting, thought to herself, "he is sooo fine!" The first 11 months they spent time together;
exchanging thoughts, eye gazing, wining/dining, holding hands, gift giving, photographs of one another, going for walks, the movies, bike rides, sking, hiking, traveling (whatever together). It was great and neither could wait for the next encounter.
The thrill began to wash away as their "fun" became far between, perhaps, due to lack of time and lack of planning. Each day the polarity of thoughts and feelings centered by the initial encounter became dispersible. Both grew accustomed to the physical selves, Jack is no longer as fine as he once was to Sally. Sally no longer, the figure of interest to Jack. Two hungry hearts have dined. They find something is lacking. Jack has become pigheaded and Sally a witch. The list of character flaws and faults grew. This same list led to attitudes, insensitivity, then the drama and eventually the separation.
Clearly any relationship has to be filled with activity; something to do. Most people know what they want to do to enjoy themselves. It's simple planning for yourself. Enjoying with another requires input from both, however, that is not always the approach.
Males have a tendency to leave this planning to the females - this is their way of ensuring fun for her (something to do with the males' Alpha rights, lol).
Females usually take the role of planning the fun because its expected of them (tales of taking care of everyone because of her nurturing qualities).
Before the fun comes the plan and both Sally and Jack should be involved, this provides an opportunity to see how well the other coordinates, correlates, calculates things. It could also be an opportunity to share skills.
Sharing knowledge in your relationship piques interest. Your value is heightened in the other person's eyes provided you are not a "braggart". Sally & Jack did not share this.
Mental rigidity takes hold when you cling to stale ideological views of male / female roles.
Jack & Sally boxed themselves in this way.
Admiring someone for their body parts must be coupled with other attributes of character as you consider interacting with the person. Sally & Jack did not consider this.
Recognizable flaws & faults in others boils down to acceptance or rejection of the same; although most tell the lie of not judging others. Jack & Sally rejected certain faults of one another but hid behind the lie until they could no longer tolerate it; drama followed.
Pulling away is not always easy after certain amounts of time together and that is when the dislike /hatred builds. Then comes anger, the catalyst for just walking away. Sally & Jack arrived at this exit and walked out.
There is stimulus for every thought and thought precedes any action. With that said, as you see your Sally or Jack, think of what you want your relationship to be. The hungry heart may need all seven courses before it can be satisfied. If you decide you're in it to win it, No issues/ faults/flaws should go unaddressed without a resolution and/or commitment to resolve. Both must be involved in every aspect of how the relationship is carried out.
Love is not a game. Again , it IS A DISCIPLINE, that can be planned, developed & practiced or regard it as a COSMIC ORGANIC which grows given it has care, consideration, and respect. Regardless of how you view it - for Love to establish itself and you to emotionally engage it and know that its there - you must honesty communicate (say what's in your heart) and commit (consciously accept your aim for the relationship).
Let's Restore Love
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Self Designed Victims
The blog written December 12, 2008 received comments from a reader, IamOne/Terrence.
Terrence's comments suggests that love is impossible to restore, he asks:
Can you restore love? Hugh, that is the question. Miss M, can you restore love.? Maybe from your planet. But this planet people minds are to unclear.
He went on to say:
...It takes a while to fall in love but's even harder to fall back into love. It depends on how you fell out of love. People have different reasons why they fall out of love. Some maybe never fell in love. It's just something they wanted for that moment. It depends on how you met and the circumstances
----
There are two points that should be shared here in response to IamOne/Terrence's comments.
In answer to the question: "Miss M, can you restore love?"
Count the number of ripples in the lake after throwing one pebble; did it not spread out despite the fact that it was dropped in a single spot? Human energy ripples in much the same manner. Miss M is throwing the pebble to make the unclear clear on the subject of what love is and is not.
You are wise IamOne to realize that it is in "people's minds".
It is a weakness developed in fear to suppose that some things cannot be accomplished. There are too many minds thinking it impossible versus the few who visualize the end results of getting it done. If no one puts forth an effort to try then many dreams will be buried with the living dead. For those who prefer life with love at its center the Restoration of Love blog is a "kickstart".
To some people Terrence it does not matter how many blogs they read or how many books
contain all the answers, they're not paying attention anyway, they are the ones described as self designed victims-those who consider themselves victims of circumstances. They read, they understand, but they never act, they never do. The amazing power of love is if you practice it, even the smallest bit you know, it transforms the mind, the heart and what was an idea becomes a conviction. Never forget the first step is to love yourself, then love another just as you love yourself.
Thank you Terrence, your comments are appreciated.
Let's Restore Love
Terrence's comments suggests that love is impossible to restore, he asks:
Can you restore love? Hugh, that is the question. Miss M, can you restore love.? Maybe from your planet. But this planet people minds are to unclear.
He went on to say:
...It takes a while to fall in love but's even harder to fall back into love. It depends on how you fell out of love. People have different reasons why they fall out of love. Some maybe never fell in love. It's just something they wanted for that moment. It depends on how you met and the circumstances
----
There are two points that should be shared here in response to IamOne/Terrence's comments.
In answer to the question: "Miss M, can you restore love?"
Count the number of ripples in the lake after throwing one pebble; did it not spread out despite the fact that it was dropped in a single spot? Human energy ripples in much the same manner. Miss M is throwing the pebble to make the unclear clear on the subject of what love is and is not.
You are wise IamOne to realize that it is in "people's minds".
It is a weakness developed in fear to suppose that some things cannot be accomplished. There are too many minds thinking it impossible versus the few who visualize the end results of getting it done. If no one puts forth an effort to try then many dreams will be buried with the living dead. For those who prefer life with love at its center the Restoration of Love blog is a "kickstart".
To some people Terrence it does not matter how many blogs they read or how many books
contain all the answers, they're not paying attention anyway, they are the ones described as self designed victims-those who consider themselves victims of circumstances. They read, they understand, but they never act, they never do. The amazing power of love is if you practice it, even the smallest bit you know, it transforms the mind, the heart and what was an idea becomes a conviction. Never forget the first step is to love yourself, then love another just as you love yourself.
Thank you Terrence, your comments are appreciated.
Let's Restore Love
Friday, December 12, 2008
As people mature many of the things they used to do are no longer satisfying. They then set upon a path to redevelop their whole being hoping to evolve to a different category of life. They grow tired, become dissatisfied and the spiral course begins again. Self development requires your entire life, it requires a whole you and each new day is your opportunity to grow in an ever satisfying truth at your command. Love is that truth.
Love is a discipline. As you develop it; you learn to master it. You may ask how does one practice such a discipline? It is essential that it is not practiced like a rule imposed on oneself but rather as an expression of one's own will. It is essential that it be felt as pleasant with conscious, small acts daily that create immediate changes in your being. A practice each morning to start your day would be to look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say, "good morning! welcome to another day", bearing in mind that another day equals myriads of opportunities. Don't wait for some external force to cause you to feel love. You be the well from which love springs.
Love is recognized by its fruit and there is only one proof of love; the change you witness within as you begin to present love as a way of life. No, no, no, no, no, not the false media presentations that portrays love as just a feeling...to love yourself and to love another is not just a strong feeling-it is a decision, a declaration, a commitment. Feelings come in and go out, so to say that love is just a feeling would be wrong. When we love, judgment is involved; you may feel it but love is not just "a feeling. "
Practice loving, start with you and your household and watch its development. You can take these views into consideration but only you can develop and grow love within yourself . Love is exclusively an act of will , responsibility and commitment, therefore, fundamentally it must begin with you.
Let's Restore Love
'
Love is a discipline. As you develop it; you learn to master it. You may ask how does one practice such a discipline? It is essential that it is not practiced like a rule imposed on oneself but rather as an expression of one's own will. It is essential that it be felt as pleasant with conscious, small acts daily that create immediate changes in your being. A practice each morning to start your day would be to look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say, "good morning! welcome to another day", bearing in mind that another day equals myriads of opportunities. Don't wait for some external force to cause you to feel love. You be the well from which love springs.
Love is recognized by its fruit and there is only one proof of love; the change you witness within as you begin to present love as a way of life. No, no, no, no, no, not the false media presentations that portrays love as just a feeling...to love yourself and to love another is not just a strong feeling-it is a decision, a declaration, a commitment. Feelings come in and go out, so to say that love is just a feeling would be wrong. When we love, judgment is involved; you may feel it but love is not just "a feeling. "
Practice loving, start with you and your household and watch its development. You can take these views into consideration but only you can develop and grow love within yourself . Love is exclusively an act of will , responsibility and commitment, therefore, fundamentally it must begin with you.
Let's Restore Love
'
Sunday, December 7, 2008
When Its Time To Commit
Listening to some songs on the radio can cause a person to think that everyone is in love desiring only to be with the object of their love. Still other songs cause one to think how crass being in love must be. One moment there is a male singer pouring out words to express the need for intimate love, e.g. , "late at night it's hard to rest, I hold your picture to my chest and I feel fine..." Then in the next few minutes you hear a female who expresses, "... never thought I'd be alone, all by myself, but what is love anyway but a silly game we play..." Let's stop a minute to examine our commitment or lack of.
To be in love with another intimately means you have taken the time to really get to know the person. You are not being misled by what you see in the beginning. When a relationship is new, people tend to be on their best behavior and falling in love at the beginning stages is risky. Risky in that you do not have enough information about the person to make a sound decision to commit to that person. Know what you seek before beginning to waste time in a new relationship. Many in search of love tend to have the butterfly behavior of floating from person to person, spending time with someone you never would commit to waiting for the next person (the right person) to come along.
In perpetual love it is not wise to spend a lot of time with someone you already know you cannot commit to. You risk developing an emotional bond with that person which may make it difficult for you to end the relationship amicably, it also dishonors you and the person when the end comes and you go away, little communication of why, no goodbyes, or surprise announcements of its over. This abrupt act to just go away is the chief cause of hatred and even violence in many broken relationships. Why? Humans' natural interpretation of this act would be a message that says, your value to me is expendable and I can never commit to you.
The songwriters -writing for your listening pleasure- are personally expressing the love or lack of love witnessed or experienced. In this group you will find those who choose to write of the disappointments, the frustrations, confusion , irritations and anger associated with the dishonor of an abrupt end in a relationship and the message it sends.
If you are open, honest and visible about who and how you are, some people will like you and some will not. But the feelings toward you and acceptance of you by those who do like you will be solid and real leaving a greater chance for commitment in your relationship than not. Start to build your intimate relationships from here and avoid the rest. You need to see the person clearly, the good and the bad to determine if you can commit to this person. Of course, more importantly, know of whom you are seeking in the first place to avoid putting time in a relationship that you would rather not be involved in. Give songwriters some great material to write about.
"... ain't no love like my baby's love, its like burning fire shut up in my bones..."
Let's Restore Love
To be in love with another intimately means you have taken the time to really get to know the person. You are not being misled by what you see in the beginning. When a relationship is new, people tend to be on their best behavior and falling in love at the beginning stages is risky. Risky in that you do not have enough information about the person to make a sound decision to commit to that person. Know what you seek before beginning to waste time in a new relationship. Many in search of love tend to have the butterfly behavior of floating from person to person, spending time with someone you never would commit to waiting for the next person (the right person) to come along.
In perpetual love it is not wise to spend a lot of time with someone you already know you cannot commit to. You risk developing an emotional bond with that person which may make it difficult for you to end the relationship amicably, it also dishonors you and the person when the end comes and you go away, little communication of why, no goodbyes, or surprise announcements of its over. This abrupt act to just go away is the chief cause of hatred and even violence in many broken relationships. Why? Humans' natural interpretation of this act would be a message that says, your value to me is expendable and I can never commit to you.
The songwriters -writing for your listening pleasure- are personally expressing the love or lack of love witnessed or experienced. In this group you will find those who choose to write of the disappointments, the frustrations, confusion , irritations and anger associated with the dishonor of an abrupt end in a relationship and the message it sends.
If you are open, honest and visible about who and how you are, some people will like you and some will not. But the feelings toward you and acceptance of you by those who do like you will be solid and real leaving a greater chance for commitment in your relationship than not. Start to build your intimate relationships from here and avoid the rest. You need to see the person clearly, the good and the bad to determine if you can commit to this person. Of course, more importantly, know of whom you are seeking in the first place to avoid putting time in a relationship that you would rather not be involved in. Give songwriters some great material to write about.
"... ain't no love like my baby's love, its like burning fire shut up in my bones..."
Let's Restore Love
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Every Thing A Season
Throughout our lives we meet others and share wonderful experiences with them then the experience comes to an end and the encounter becomes a pleasant illumination of the mind as we reminisce. Its like that pleasant cologne that captured your attention in passing. No need to look back at the one that's wearing it, just appreciate the fragrance while its near.
Examining nature we see that things change. The seasons change, the weather changes, sprouts grow to trees, and seeds to fruit; relationships also change. Call it evolution if you must.
In relationships no one wants to let go when they feel secure. At the same time no one wants to stay with feelings of uncertainty. Being in a relationship does not clone your feelings for one another ,therefore, the door is open for misinterpretations and misunderstandings. When relationships change from feel good to upsets and tears, someone changed the pattern, someone lost interest , there was no commitment, someone is no longer satisfied with the course the relationship is moving. The steady wave lengths of communication now change their frequency and much static is heard.
If you begin to experience changes in your relationship that disrupts what you regard as "the norm," it simply means the relationship is moving to another level and it may not include you , while at the same time, it may not be a bad move. Think of it as growing or an opportunity to nurture and grow. Focus your attention on improving and increasing, then gather the goodness of what you enjoy/ed in the relationship to savage it if it can be salvaged or release it and joyfully walk away knowing that your season in this relationship is over and its time to grow somewhere else.
Let's Restore Love
MJ
Examining nature we see that things change. The seasons change, the weather changes, sprouts grow to trees, and seeds to fruit; relationships also change. Call it evolution if you must.
In relationships no one wants to let go when they feel secure. At the same time no one wants to stay with feelings of uncertainty. Being in a relationship does not clone your feelings for one another ,therefore, the door is open for misinterpretations and misunderstandings. When relationships change from feel good to upsets and tears, someone changed the pattern, someone lost interest , there was no commitment, someone is no longer satisfied with the course the relationship is moving. The steady wave lengths of communication now change their frequency and much static is heard.
If you begin to experience changes in your relationship that disrupts what you regard as "the norm," it simply means the relationship is moving to another level and it may not include you , while at the same time, it may not be a bad move. Think of it as growing or an opportunity to nurture and grow. Focus your attention on improving and increasing, then gather the goodness of what you enjoy/ed in the relationship to savage it if it can be salvaged or release it and joyfully walk away knowing that your season in this relationship is over and its time to grow somewhere else.
Let's Restore Love
MJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)